* CROUTON Sundae (Comical) !

A Woman was eating with her friend in a Restaurant and asked the Waiter that if she "swapped the Cherry for a Crouton on top of a Sundae, would that count as a Salad?"

ANOTHER person ordering a meal
in a Restaurant said that she was ordering broiled Chicken but was really ordering Lasagna with a Garlic Bread by mistake!

The General Practitioner asked her Patient what would better fit in with his "daily exercise regime ... an hour on the Treadmill or being dead for 24 hours a day?"

* "Brightening up" ?? .. (Comical)

Dear Diary, The cold weather is so Icy and I think it's getting to me abit. Can't take to long periods of Icy weather nor periods of Humid hot weather although I can tolerate hot dry days. Thought I'd try and "brighten up" with a couple of jokes! "Your finger is in my bowl of soup!" said the man. "Don't worry", said the Waiter. "'cause the soup isn't hot". Have you heard about the fellow who went into an 'Open 24 hours a day' store and asked what time they closed? .. oh, and did you hear about the Hitchhiker? He got up early so there wouldn't be much traffic around.

* MARSHMALLOW ??? (Comical)

There was a man who said that as he slept one Night he "had the craziest dream". He said that he dreamed he ate a 5lb. (about 2-1/2kg. ?) MARSHMALLOW BUT when he awoke the next Morning he noticed that his PILLOW was gone!

* 'GONE with the Wind' ??.... (Comical) !!

A Man went to the Cinema to see a re-run of Gone With the Wind and was very surprised to see a large Dog sitting next to a Woman in the row in front of him. What was even more surprising was that the Dog seemed to be following the story, sitting with ears pricked, wagging its tail at the happy parts, and sitting downcast with bowed head during the distressing or emotionally intense parts of the story. At the conclusion of the Movie the Man would not contain his curiosity any longer and as the Audience were filing out of the Cinema, he walked over to the Woman with the Dog. "Excuse me, but I couldn't help noticing your Dog while watching the Movie. He seemed to understand the story and really seemed to enjoy it. It is amazing"! "Yes", replied the Woman enthusiastically, as if slightly puzzled. "I was amazed, too. He didn't like the Book one bit"!!

** "Apples" !! (Comical)

Several boys from School spent their lunchtime playing by a Creek. When they arrived back late the Headmaster hauled them to his Office for an explanation. The first boy explains, "We were just throwing Apples into the Creek". The Headmaster lectures him severely, first for being late and, more especially, for wasting food in a world where many are starving. He orders him to write a hundred lines: 'waste not, want not'. The second boy offers the same reason and receives the same censure and penalty. Now it's the third boy's turn to be questioned. Looking bedraggled, he looks up at the Headmaster and says, "I'm Apples"!

*** "Bull's-eye" !!! *** (Comical)

'An AUSSIE bloke is touring the World and he's in Spain, in a little Coffee Bar, drinking Coffee - funnily enough! On the wall alongside him is a huge Bull's head on a wooden plaque. Up close, its size is enormous. Black silky hair, massive horns, awesome!! The Aussie turns to the attending Coffee-barista (or should it be Baristo . . ??) . . and says, "What's the story behind the Bull's head? Excuse me Mate . . you . . Yeah, it's you I'm talking to. What's the story behind the Bull's head. Interesting yarn, is it? Around the Bull's head? El Bull's Head? El Head-o de Bullula . . "? The Barista had gone very pale. His hand clutching the Coffee-cup has the shakes and the knuckles are blueish-white. "Please, Senor", he says, "do not espeak to me of thees Bull, for thees Bull has keeled my brothir". The Australian feller, very sensitive to changes in mood - as most Australians are, says, "Aw, sorry about that. Well, I've only just heard. Your brother was a Bullfighter, was 'e, your brother? Bullfighter was 'e? Bullfighter, your brother, was 'e"? "No", says the Barista. "He was sitting there one night and head fell on him". '

* DEMOCRATS versus REPUBLICANS ??? (Comical) !

'Hillary Clinton was out jogging one morning. As she passed a small boy she saw that he had a boxful of Puppies. She stopped and asked the young man what kind of Puppies he had. He looked up proudly and said, "They are all Democrats". Hillary was pleased as she jogged away. She returned home and told her husband the story. About a week later, her husband; Bill, was jogging by a young man with a box of small Puppies. He stopped and asked the young boy what kind of Puppies they were. The lad looked up confidently and said, "They are all Republicans". Somewhat puzzled, Bill asked him if he was the same young fellow that had told Hillary about his Democrat pups. The boy said that, yes, he was the same boy. Bill then asked him if he had a new box of Puppies. "No", said the boy, "they are the same Puppies". Bill again questioned the young lad. "How can they be Democrats last week and Republicans this week"? The small boy said cheerfully, "Last week, when they had their eyes closed, they were Democrats. Now that their eyes are open they are Republicans" '.

* "DOCTOR Knows Best" ?? (Comical)

A doctor was doing his Hospital rounds with the accompanying Nurse. When he came to one bed he suddenly pronounced, "Nurse, this patient has died". The elderly Gentleman quickly sat up in bed and loudly stated, "I'm alright. I'm not dead"! The Nurse responded, "Will you be quiet. The Doctor knows best".

"CORNY" jokes .. (Comical)

James: 'I call my girlfriend Peach'. John: 'Because she's soft, and beautiful as a Peach?' James: 'No, because she's got a heart of Stone'. Visitor: 'Your'e very quiet, Louise'. Louise: 'Well, my mum gave me a Dollar not to say anything about your Red Nose'. 'Mary', said her teacher. 'You can't bring that Lamb into class. What about the smell?' 'Oh, that's alright Miss', replied Mary. 'It'll soon get used to it'. Little Susie stood in the Department Store near the Escalator, watching the moving Handrail. 'Something wrong, little girl?', asked the Security Guard. 'Nope', replied Susie. 'I'm just waiting for my Chewing Gum to come back'.

*** A Milton Berle CLASSIC !!! *** (Comical)

"Thank God Thomas Edison discovered Electricity BECAUSE we all would be watching Television by Candlelight!" (Milton Berle - Comedian)